The Snarky Files - Euripides' Views on the Week

Madoff marched off to jail after guilty plea.

Introducing my newest feature, The Snarky Files. You can take any definition of the word snarky you choose in this context, but I prefer the idea of "sharply critical." Here's my take on some of the top stories this past week. No real news here, just snark.

Chutzpah
Two Connecticut legislators introduced a bill with the stated purpose to "revise the corporate governance provisions [of the Connecticut Statutes] applicable to the Roman Catholic Church." What this bill would have done, if the legislature hadn't been stampeded by those "pesky" Catholics, would have been to establish state control over the finances of the Catholic Church in Connecticut. What part of the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution don't these people get? Is it any surprise that the two legislators are hard-hitting proponants of same sex marriage? Is it a coincidence that they went after the Catholic Church? (Not enough Mormons in Connecticut, I suppose.) Let's all repeat the mantra: "There is no gay agenda. There is no gay agenda. There is no..."

Apologetic
Bernard Madoff, architect of the Ponzi scheme, says he is "deeply sorry" for bilking his friends out of billions of dollars in bad investments. Apparently he wasn't sorry enough to keep him from defrauding his former friends in the first place. In other news, Congress has yet to apologize for bilking the American people out of trillions of dollars in what's come to be known as the Obama scheme.

Strike-out King
Barack Obama hasn't gotten a single hit since he joined the Major Leagues this year. Not one. He's had plenty of opportunity at bat but seems to strike out every time. Baseball players who have such low hitting average get sent down to the minors faster than you can say A-Rod hip injury. OK, enough with the baseball analogies.

Wasteland
Obama insists that he is not operating under ideological constraints when he rescinded W's ban on embryonic stem cell research. I suppose that depends on what your definition of is is, Mr. President. Obama has publicly supported the right to kill babies so no real surprises on embryonic stem cell research. But did he also have to rescind the morally-neutral adult stem research as well? And why are public funds being offered to suck stem cells from embryos? In related news, Al Gore also insists that he has no ideologies in politicizing global warming.

Bargain
Citibank and GM stocks are so low, you can find them in the bargain bin at your local dollar store. Here's your chance to jump in and pick up a great deal on two failed corporate models. Maybe you can also get connected with Bernard Madoff's newest investment firm?

Irreligious
A poll sponsored by Trinity College indicates that the number is declining of people in the US who identify with a church. The poll didn't release reasons, but sources indicate that people are growing less religious because religion has to compete with pornography, rampant promiscuity, and direct attacks on the foundations of marriage and family. Just a guess....

Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh certainly stirred the pot this past week when he replaced Bush as the Democrats' new bogey man. Bush, though disappointed with the move, stated that he understands that since he left office, he just doesn't have the political clout to draw fire from enraged and befuddled democrats. Sources say that "Limbaugh seems like a natural replacement, since the republican party has absolutely no one left for the democrats to demonize."

Two Faced
One of the (many) things Obama has criticized Bush for was Bush's use of "signing statements." If Bush disagreed with a Congressional policy, he would sign one of these statements to voice his objections. It seems like the new Objector-in-Chief is now the new "Signer-in-Chief." Obama strikes out again. (I am "deeply sorry" about the additional baseball analogy.)

Porked
Obama criticized Congress for the new budget that has something like 9000 earmarks - or pork as we used to call it in the good old days. Instead of sending the bill back, Obama was seen to vigorously shake his finger at Congress and say, "You bad people. Don't ever, ever, ever put that much pork in a budget again. What do you think stimulus bills are for?"