New Season Television Lineup

Kim Kardashian has joined the cast of "Dancing with the Stars" this past fall. I only put this photo up here because, hey, sex sells.

Anticipating the next season of TV shows, I've pulled in a few favors from my Hollywood friends and have found the inside scoop on the latest hot shows coming this spring to your TV. Don't miss out! Be the first to know about and anticipate these high class winners.

Chlamydia Jane - comedy, half hour - In this series premier, Jane's unfortunate choice to spend the night with the local football team leads her to discover that the abdominal pains she's been having are a symptom of chlamydia. Her doctor reports that instead of a totally unexpected and unwanted pregnancy, she's now completely sterile! Rupert and Loper name this the funniest comedy of the season.

Joey - comedy, half hour - Thinking that his attraction to other boys makes him gay, Joey is relieved to find out that he's just a horney teenager who can't get a date.

Stranded: Bella Donna - reality TV, hour - In this year's Stranded, twenty volunteers are dropped off on the desert island Bella Donna. Without food or water, they must struggle with hunger, thirst, malaria, wild animals, and overblown emotions. The person who stays alive until the end of the season stands to win a million dollars. Will the new Stranded group turn to cannibalism like last season's group? Tune in to find out.

Ridiculed - reality TV, hour - In this series premier, our team of infiltrators sneak into a church service each week to interrupt the sermon and yell obscenities at the congregation. Planned shows include Atheism über Alles, Gays Shouldn't Be Made to Feel Guilty about Offending God, and Get Your Religion Out of My Face.

Whine and Dine - talk show, hour - Show host Rosa dishes out hot food and hotter whining as she and her invited guests complain for a solid hour about the latest perceived injustices in the world. Join in the fun with the first show as Rosa and her guests ridicule Michelle Stinch, a homemaker and mother of three.

Anything You Wanna Do Will Be Just Fine - kid's, half hour - Part of the Saturday morning lineup, this popular kid's show returns with those wacky characters: Captain Indulgent and Super Grandma. Children learn a whole range of useful, everyday knowledge through interactive participation: "It's OK, as Long as It's Safe Sex"; "Saying No to Parent Interference"; "Lawsuits for Tots"; and "Don't Be Afraid to Call CPS". Sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts and PBS.

CSI Hoboken, Just South of Main and Second Near Ed's - drama, hour - In the tradition of CSI, CSI Miami, and CSI New York comes the latest spinoff show CSI Hoboken, Just South of Main and Second Near Ed's. Gripped with a sudden rash of horrific homicides, Hoboken is forced to create a top-notch CSI unit to investigate. You won't want to miss the series premier: "Three Autopsies and Another Autopsy As Well".

I'm quite excited for the new season. It promises to give us everything we've come to expect from television. Tune in or miss out. And be sure you convert your TV to digital so you don't miss a single minute.